吉檀迦利 第四十一章

孙祎卓

Where dost thou stand behind them all, my lover, hiding thyself in the shadows? They push thee and pass thee by on the dusty road, taking thee for naught. I wait here weary hours spreading my offerings for thee, while passers-by come and take my flowers, one by one, and my basket is nearly empty.

The morning time is past, and the noon. In the shade of evening my eyes are drowsy with sleep. Men going home glance at me and smile and fill me with shame. I sit like a beggar maid, drawing my skirt over my face, and when they ask me, what it is I want, I drop my eyes and answer them not.

Oh, how, indeed, could I tell them that for thee I wait, and that thou hast promised to come. How could I utter for shame that I keep for my dowry this poverty. Ah, I hug this pride in the secret of my heart.

I sit on the grass and gaze upon the sky and dream of the sudden splendour of thy coming---all the lights ablaze, golden pennons flying over thy car, and they at the roadside standing agape, when they see thee come down from thy seat to raise me from the dust, and set at thy side this ragged beggar girl a-tremble with shame and pride, like a creeper in a summer breeze.

But time glides on and still no sound of the wheels of thy chariot. Many a procession passes by with noise and shouts and glamour of glory. Is it only thou who wouldst stand in the shadow silent and behind them all? And only I who would wait and weep and wear out my heart in vain longing?

我的情人，你站在大家背后，藏在何处的阴影中呢？在尘土飞扬的道上，他们把你推开走过，没有理睬你。在乏倦的时间，我摆开礼品来等候你，过路的人把我的香花一朵一朵地拿去，我的花篮几乎空了。

清晨，中午都过去了。暮色中，我倦眼朦胧。回家的人们瞟着我微笑，使我满心羞惭。我像女丐一般地坐着，拉起裙儿盖上脸，当他们问我要什么的时候，我垂目没有答应。

呵，真的，我怎能告诉他们说我是在等候你，而且你也许说你一定会来，我有怎能抱愧地说我的妆奁就是贫穷。呵，我在我心的微隐处紧抱着这一段骄荣。

我坐在草地上凝望天空，梦想着你来临时候那忽然炫耀的繁华――万彩交辉，车辇上金旗飞扬，在道旁众目睽睽之下，你从车座下降，把我从尘埃中扶起坐在你的旁边，这褴褛的丐女，含羞带喜，像蔓藤在暴风中颤摇。

但是时间都流过了，还听不见你的车辇的轮声。许多仪仗队伍都在光彩喧闹中走过了。你只要静默地站在他们背后吗？我只能哭泣着等待，把我的心折磨在空虚的伫望之中吗？