好朋友在哪里？如何做个真正的朋友

何航

Life can be a lonely thing without companionship. Acquaintances are easy to come by but true friends are a whole other story. The best way to develop meaningful connections with true friends we can trust is to become a true friend yourself.
没有朋友，生活该多么孤单。泛泛之交遍地都是，但真正的朋友却少之又少了。要想结交到真正值得信任的朋友，最好的办法莫过于先让自己成为可靠的朋友。
1. Be present for their highs and lows.
荣辱与共。
If you’re absent during my struggle, don’t expect to be present during my success.——Will Smith
在我艰难的时候你缺席，那么我成功的时候你也不必在了。——威尔·史密斯
It’s easy to be there for our friends when they ask us out for fun things like drinks at the bar, dancing in the club, or laughs at the theater. But are you willing to be there for the hard times that are the opposite of fun? You might not feel comfortable while spending time with an emotionally fragile person on the verge of tears, but true friends are readily available when they’re needed the most.
被朋友喊出去玩乐很简单，一起去酒吧喝酒跳舞，或者是去戏院看戏找乐子。但如果是陪他们度过一段艰难的时期你愿意么？也许让你花时间和一个充满负能量眼泪汪汪的人在一起不是那么舒服的事情，但真正的朋友是在最需要的时刻陪在身边。
2. Know when to hush.
学着安静。
When people talk, listen completely. Most people never listen.——Ernest Hemingway
如果人们只是一个劲的说话，那么大部分人不会愿意去倾听。——海明威
The act of vocally expressing our troubles to a trusted friend can offer instant stress-reduction. Give your friend the gift of silence so they can drop their baggage and get on with living.
和值得信赖的朋友倾吐自己的烦恼可以减轻压力。但别忘了在朋友有烦恼和麻烦的时候也保持安静做一个倾听者吧。

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3. Offer your encouragement.

鼓励别人。

Our chief want is someone who will inspire us to be what we know we could be.——Ralph Waldo Emerson

我们最想要的，莫过于有人能够激发我们去做那些可能可以做到的事情。——爱默生

The four most inspiring words you can speak to another person? I believe in you.

对别人最有用的四个激励词汇？是“我相信你”。

4. Accept them as they are.

完全接受他们。

Happiness can exist only in acceptance.——George Orwell

幸福只存在于接受。——乔治·奥威尔

If you can’t accept a person as they are, you will never know the feeling of true friendship. Fight the urge to attempt to "fix"them, no matter how crazy their mannerisms might make you.

如果你不能完整的接受别人，那么你永远不会知道友情的真正含义。别再试图去“改造”他们，哪怕他们的行为在你看来多么疯狂。

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5. Challenge them to grow.

刺激他们去成长。

Life is either a daring adventure or nothing at all. ——Helen Keller

要么冒险，要么就一事无成，这就是人生。——海伦·凯勒

If a friend tells you they plan to drop 10 lbs, tell them, "10 lbs? Please. I bet you can get so fit that people’s jaws will drop when you walk past them." Throw down the gauntlet, make sure they know you believe they can do it, and ask: "Challenge accepted?"

如果有朋友告诉你他们计划要瘦十磅，你应该说：“十磅？拜托，我打赌你肯定能瘦到当你走过时人们都惊到张口结舌。”撂下挑战，这样他们就会知道你相信他们能做到，不妨再问一句：“敢不敢试试？”

6. Be vulnerable.

敞开心扉。

I found that the more truthful and vulnerable I was, the more empowering it was for me. ——Alanis Morissette

我发现我越诚实越坦诚，就会获得越多的能量。——艾拉妮丝·莫莉塞特

Hiding your flaws might be appropriate in a job interview, but it’s not something you should do in a conversation with a friend you trust. Never hesitate to speak your thoughts and feelings in their raw and unfiltered form. Who knows? They might open up and disclose a surprising secret in return. Full disclosure will strengthen your friendship and make you both feel at ease in each other’s company.

工作面试的时候隐藏锋芒也许比较合适，但和自己信赖的朋友聊天时就没必要这样做了。别顾虑太多，不说出自己真实的想法和感受，或是不假思索的言语。这样做了又如何呢？也许会打开彼此的心扉，你也会获知对方的一个秘密。畅所欲言能巩固你们的友情，还会让彼此都觉得对方的陪伴十分舒服。

7. Forgive the past.

原谅过往。

Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.——Buddha

耿耿于怀就像是自己喝着毒药，却期盼另一个人死去。——禅语

Have you ever hurled an insult at a person when you were feeling stressed and wished you could take it back? If so, you should understand that even the best of us suffer from the occasional slip of the tongue. Holding onto a grudge over a minor slip-up will make you look petty, so let it go.

压力大的时候有没有对别人大吼大叫进行侮辱，现在后悔莫及想收回？如果是，你需要了解及时最好的我们也会遭遇口舌之灾。把怨恨没完没了的纠结在鸡毛蒜皮的小事上会让你看起来非常的市井俗气，算了吧。

何航

8. Watch out for jealousy.

小心嫉妒之心。

The worst part of success is trying to find someone who is happy for you. ——Bette Midler

成功最糟糕的一部分是试着找到为你而开心的人。——贝蒂·米勒

Your friend landed his dream job and you feel stuck in a rut. Your friend scored a hot date with Mr. Perfect and you feel down and depressed. Jealousy is a nasty feeling that can take hold of our thoughts without warning. If a friend achieves something you aspire to do, channel that jealous feeling into an “if they did it, I can too” attitude.

你朋友找到自己梦寐以求的工作，你觉得有点不爽。你朋友跟完美先生爱的死去活来，你感到低落和压力。嫉妒是一种糟糕的感受，会在不知不觉中占据我们的思想。如果有朋友做到了你也想做的事情，不如把态度转变成：他们都能做到，那我也可以吧。

9. Speak the truth (even if it hurts).

说实话(哪怕有点伤人)。

The truth is rarely pure and never simple.——Oscar Wilde

真相很少会纯洁简单。——奥斯卡·王尔德

Have you ever watched a friend damage her self-esteem by staying in an emotionally abusive relationship? I have, and it hurts more than words can express. Confronting a person about an inconvenient truth isn’t easy, but sometimes it needs to be done. If you have something to say and can’t find the nerves to do it, ask yourself, "How would I feel if it was me making a very bad decision and my friend said nothing about it?" While speaking out doesn’t guarantee you’ll change their mind, staying silent does guarantee you’ll regret not speaking up sooner.

有没有看着一个朋友身处虐心的恋情，连自尊都不顾？我有过，这种感受无法用语言来表达。要告诉某人一个不好的事实不容易，但有时我们需要这么做。如果你有话要说，却鼓不起勇气去做，那问问自己：“如果是我在做一个很糟糕的决定，但朋友却无动于衷，那我会怎么想？”说出你的想法并不能保证就能改变他们，但保持沉默只会让你日后后悔没有早点说出口。

10. Make it special.

让你们的友情与众不同。

We are all special cases.——Albert Camus

我们都是不同的个体。——阿尔贝·加缪

The greatest friendships have quirks and qualities that are exclusive to them. Search for a special activity, gesture, or saying that is reserved for your true friend only. That could be a song you belt out on every car ride, a goofy handshake or gesture that no one else understands, or a weekly ritual just for the two of you.

最好的友情对两个人而言总有着俩人之间的特殊习惯或喜好。找一个特别的活动、手势或者话语，只对你真正的朋友使用吧。可以是每次乘车都必听的一首歌，一个傻傻的握手或者是没人能懂的手势，或者是只有你俩的一周一次的活动。